Sorry Not in Service

Gordano!

Congratulations on your purchase. That is a spectacular pair of stockings. 

Why not compliment them with a listen to the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast? You're too busy? Nonsense. Hunker down and have a listen. This one is busy as HECK, the ace pop starlet Carnivorrrr (carnivorrrr.bandcamp.com) is in the studio playing songs from his forthcoming second album, we have an audience of 5 specially invited guests who won our competition AND there is an election of sorts.

So with all that in mind, we're sure you'll agree that the emergency tracheotomy can wait and that pressing play is the best course of action.

If you'd like to hear the version with all the non Carnivorrrr music on it, then go to mixcloud.com. For gift ideas for Pancake day, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano! 

Gordano!

My goodness me, that clothes really looks good on you. Might I suggest a slight alteration? No? OK, suit yourself (sort of a joke if you squint at it).

Now the hilarity has subsided, welcome to the Sorry Not in Service podcast from a bit of the past. You will be delighted to know that it is the following things:

• Genuinely the best bits
• Shorter than normal
• Fully upholstered
• Breathable 
• Made entirely of technology

For the longer format (WHICH INCLUDES POP MUSIC) go to mixcloud.com. To learn about etiquette when talking to an Earl, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

Gordano!

It's good to see someone is sticking to their new year's resolution of being devilishly handsome and less of a . Well done, keep it up.

In the spirit of being less of a we'd like to present you with this, the first podcast of twenty6teen from Sorry Not in Service. Innit (in it) you will find plenty of anecdotes that could land us in hot water should they fall into the wrong hands, dentists, SPORT!, live draws, and shaming (see title, picture and content).

More than enough content there to distract you from falling back into the 2015 persona that marked you out as a complete .

To listen to the long form version of the show with all the pop music onnit (on it) go to mixcloud.com. For scale drawings of Monty Don's rippling biceps, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

Gord crispus Day! No?

Quick! Open it! Open it! You are going to be so pumped when you open it! Do you want me to help? OK, OK, i'm just really excited to see your face when you open it! Well, what do you think? Oh. No, I sort of understand. I'm sorry. It felt like a good idea. No, there is no receipt, I got it from an alley man.

Well maybe this will make things better - it's the podcast of the Sorry Not in Service crispus special, broadcast on the crispus day! It has swearing, and live music and presents, and anecdotes and words, and enough bonhomie to sink a ship and kill 17 sailors.

If you want, you can listen to the show with all the pop music on it at mixcloud.com, or you could find out whether Jesus preferred eggs or Golden Grahams for breakfast at sorrynotinservice.com

Is that better? Good. Can I have my change now please?

Gordano!

Gordano!

Saddle up your Donkey (having first resuscitated it), we're going on a Sorry Not in Service ride.

There is all sorts to enjoy: enough vitamin D to cure what ails you, tales of parties and dentists, a study of why Will is good at his job, horoscopes, OMEGA 5! Two scripted bits, and other dialogue, all converted into an audio format suitable for uploading and then subsequently downloading from an internet, and put in your face.

To listen to a longer version of this thing eye eee with all the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. For a comprehensive report on your failures, speak to the HR department.

Gordano!

www.sorrynotinservice.com

www.justgiving.com/sorrynotinservice

Gordano!

Thank goodness you're here. You have no idea how pleased we are to see you. I'm sorry that it was such a late phone call and I know you were busy with the Christening, but these shoe laces won't tie themselves. 

Oooh, while you're here, get your listening tackle around the latest Sorry Not in Service broadcast. It's got the usual ACE hosts on it PLUS a lean, mean gestation machine. That right, our mother, the wonderful Jo Lea is/was in the studio, regaling us with tales of how we became so cool, how clever and handsome we are and why all the other mothers are such losers. There is also a section from the Mother's Guide to First Aid.

Furthermore, news of an exciting competition linked to our charity crispus album which can be got here: justgiving.com/sorrynotinservice.

For the version of this thing with the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. For advice on what to do and say when confronted with a monster, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

Gordano!

I'm not even joking anymore, you really need to stop calling. Your voice is stupid and your use of the phrase 'i've got me fluster on' is really getting on my wick. So for the last time, which emergency service do you require?

Police? Fine. Before I put you through, I must tell you about the latest broadcast from Sorry Not in Service. It's got A BRAND NEW AND EXCITING REGULAR FEATURE ON IT, some body parts, hot science and actual dogs.

Along with the above there is also A CHANGE TO THE PROCESS OF ORDERING THE SOON TO BE No.1 CRISPUS ALBUM. BRACKETS JUSTGIVING.COM/SORRYNOTINSERVICE END BRACKETS.

Sorry, fell asleep on the caps lock there. To hear the bulbous version with the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. To learn how to make cup a soups in just an afternoon, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

Gordano!

At no point did we say this was a fancy dress event. Oh. Well this is awkward. Tell you what, why don't you pop those clothes off and then sit down for dinner. Fancy dress or no fancy dress, it is quite off-putting.

Now that we're all singing from the same hymn sheet, welcome along to the Sorry Not in Service show that was broadcast on the such and such of so and so, 2015. It's a hum dinger and no mistakin'. As the title suggests, we're joined on the show by the incredible man who tells you what he is up to, and his wonderful lady chum partner who can see what he's up to, and doesn't seem to mind.

Learn all about Tom and his past, his relationship with Simon and the films that were until recently on at the cinema that he works in.

Not only that but you can hear all about our exciting new charity record. Go to sorrynotinservice.bandcamp.com for details.

For the feature length version, go to mixcloud.com. For a roll of marzipan, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

Gordano!

If I've told you once, then I've told you a million billion quadrillion times - You look rough this morning your honour.

Now, here's the thing: Due to forces beyond our control (not the police force*) this show, broadcast on the 16th October 2015, has a slightly wonkier than normal feel to it as William was not in the studio but on the other end of a telephone line. A telephone line that played merry hell with the audio output. Unperturbed, we ploughed on, reasoning that the majority of the content we throw your way is of such a poor quality anyway that the migraine inducing buzzing, clicking and volume inconsistencies really wouldn't make things too much worse.

To hear the version with the music on it (innit) then go to mixcloud.com. And don't forget to register your delight at the news that Bobby Ball is to be the new Prime Minister of Equatorial Guinea at www.sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

* Old Trev & Simon joke (ask your parents)

Gordano!

What the hell is that on your face? I'm serious, get it off at once. This is a WH Smiths, not a knocking shop.

Pleasantries aside, welcome to the Sorry Not in Service show broadcast to you, the public on the blah blah blah of so and so. Within it (Winnit) is the usual waffle and dorb plus some actual Polish language, Will's adventures with water, a link that got totally out of hand and some much needed advertising for a supermarket. It's like rubbing gravel in your ears but in a good way (is there any other?).

To hear the above but with that appalling pop music, you can go to mixcloud.com. If you'd like to find out where the police are hiding your curling tongs then go to www.sorrrynotinservice.com (but make sure you spell sorry with only 2 'r's in it).

Gordano