Sorry Not in Service

Rise of the Black Swans

Gordano!

How delightful to see you! You're looking like a billion dollars! That suit is spectacular, your shoes are dynamite and you hair smells ultra wicked. You're the full package, and I love you. Now, we need to talk about this whole gross misconduct situation.

Before we do though, let's listen to the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast. It's all attractive as you are. It's got anti terrorism, pro TV guides, VERY pro hedge trimming tales and VERY BIG pro hair and beauty tips on it.

So, we'll do that and then we'll fire you.

To listen to the show with all the pop music, doff your cap to mixcloud.com. To win the chance to tickle a vicar, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

We Mentioned It Once, But We Think We Got Away With It

Gordano!

Have you got your voting card with you? Thank you… Oh. You know it’s not appropriate to scrawl your voting intentions in blood all over the card don’t you? Also, I don’t think there’s an option to vote for ‘My Trousers Will Be Your Redemption’. All things considered, you’ve botched voting. Let’s hope the rest of the country doesn’t.

Just in case they do, here’s the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast which should offer some light relief. It’s got very few references to any kind of EU referendum, a smattering of baby chat, advice from Will about public confrontations, a couple of snippets about the referendum, household maintenance tips, a bit on the EU vote and two mentions of terrible vengeance.

Put simply, it’s a two hour radio broadcast, edited together in the early hours of the morning and uploaded to the internet on a Saturday.

To listen to the version of the show that contains the pop music, wend your merry way to mixcloud.com. To have your chin tickled by a robotic Luther Vandross, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

Doing Terrible Things to Your Ears

Gordano!

You again? Didn't we make it perfectly clear last time that you're not welcome? We didn't? We were very polite and made you feel perfectly at ease? Oh dear. Well in that case come in, leave your scythe at the door and we'll just try to forget about all the unpleasantness from the first two sentences. Just mind that you don't interfere with the cat again.

If it will help to smooth things over further, here's the latest podcast from Sorry Not in Service (us). Not only is it incredibly arrogant to force this upon you, but it's also full to the brim of exciting announcements, fearful denouncements, a welcome return by What's Tom Up To Tom, the death of some creatures and other content padding out an allotted time slot on a radio station.

To stream the version with all the pop music, go to mixcloud.com. To learn how to make your hair sentient, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

FAO Mountain Rescue

Gordano!

Oi! You! Get the hump out of my garden! I don't care if you're from the council, you shouldn't be doing that. It's not right. I couldn't give a monkeys if it's tradition. If I've told you once, I've told you a million billion times, those Fuchsias are not for you to weave into pants.

If you need something to mask your indecency in public then might I suggest this Sorry Not in Service podcast. It's got great big tales of William's trips to the coast that will act as a gusset, it's got super soft information about spider management that is kind to your skin, and a wonderfully absorbent re-enactment of the battle of Agincourt that will cover up your inevitable mis-haps. Pop it on and know me better man.

If you'd prefer some larger, more unwieldy audio underwear then go to mixcloud.com to listen to the show with all the pop music on it. Or go to sorrynotinservice.com to download some full length long-johns.

Gordano!

Howl to Pass Your Driving Test With Jeffin D'ecorum

Gordano!

Your majesty, we are delighted that you've chosen to download our podcast. Truly this is an honour. Or at least it would be of you'd deigned to have downloaded it fully clothed. Really madam show some flipping respect.

Now our anger and your nudity has subsided, let's get down to business. In this MEGA podcast, we talk leaving jobs in a ham fisted fashion, deliver the latest pop news, pass on the secret to driving test success and wrestle a pigeon to the floor before teaching it how to apply for a credit card.

There are other things too, but thats your job to find out what they are.

To hear the feature length broadcast with all the dreadful pop music on it's head, go to mixcloud.com. To find out where we've hidden your car keys, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

Assumpta From the Sealife Centre

Gordano!

Here's a bit of psychological horse play to kick things off: Quickly re-arrange the following words into a sentence: 

Have floundering beef blunder grand flippers of an to horse cauliflower phonebox so can drubbing.

Well isn't that revealing? We always thought you were a dangerous person with an unhealthy grudge against the clergy and/or logging companies. Delve further into the results and it turns out that deep within your mind hole you are desperate for the latest podcast from Sorry Not in Service. Well isn't this your lucky day? Yes is the answer to that question.

In this show, there a tale from NOT A RACIST about his NOT INFIDELITY LADEN trip to Ireland, news of what he left behind, Will's recent interaction with children on bikes, dead dogs and Rob and loads of other things that you will hear if you've got the guts.

To listen to the version with the pop music on it go to mixcloud.com. For a full system flush, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

The Family Unit

Gordano!

Wow. Just wow. That hat of yours really suits you. Not in a ‘that looks good’ way, more in the sense that it really suits your personality. That is to say, you’re very brave wearing a hat made of moss and stoat carcass. 

Here’s something else that would suit you and your lifestyle: IT’S THE SORRY NOT IN SERVICE PODCAST. It’s light as a feather and you won’t even feel it go in.

Highlights of the highlights of broadcasting’s lowlights include:

Coral singing

Shopping lists

Career choices

TV listings

Mackerel

The closing theme

If you’d like to hear the fuller version with all the pop music casually left in, go to mixcloud.com. For the coolest designs for dog tattoos, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!

The Prettiest Mum in the Schoolyard / Violent Grudge

Gordano!

A question for you:

Where the hell do you get off? I mean really, you turn up here all disheveled with your bobs and your bits hanging out. You clearly haven't showered for weeks, your clothes have swears written all over them and your breath smells of iron ore. You're a disgrace.

That said, you are slap bang in the middle of the Sorry Not in Service demographic so you have at least come to the right place. Here is the podcast of that self same show (see words 12-15 of this paragraph) that went out on the Crumpteenth of Bloatember Fourteen Angsty Flounce.

It's got all sorts on it, including: catchprases! tv listings! familial reparations! botched human interactions! pub! and misc!

If you'd like to listen to the version that has the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. For a list of all the numbers that exist, go to sorrynotinservice.com.

Gordano!

Is Roger Moore a Nazi?

Gordano!

Imagine the scene: you're wearing a hat, and then an Ostrich bites your index finger. Not very nice is it? Well quit breaking into Ostrich farms with hats on and these things will stop being of any concern to you.

Other things that you can stop worrying about is where you're going to get your next Sorry Not in Service podcast from (it's here). It's got some big questions, some big erotic house inspections, some big respect for mothers and an opportunity to win free mental health assistance.

Make no bones about it, it is a radio broadcast converted into an electronic format and then uploaded onto the Internet in two formats.

To hear the version that has all the music on it (which is VERY French boogie heavy), go to this mixcloud.com. If you'd like a doctorate in Jenga then grow up.

Gordano!

Grotesque Ham Mouthwash Widows

Gordano!

Oh my OMG! It's YOU again! We haven't seen you since you did that 24 hours sponsored fistfightathon. You were such an aggressive judge that day. Good to see you in more sanguine mood.

In an effort to keep you chipper, here's the Sorry Not in Service show from xxxxxxxx (pick a date, it really doesn't matter). 

This one's a tour de France!

We've got social mis-steps, a gradual takeover of mainland Europe (careful now), a touching but also incredibly dis-tasteful eulogy, an enormous Pelican, the adventures of Will and his friend Norbert and blah blah blah, yadda, yadda, so on and so forth.... Just listen to it and write your own list of what's included.

To listen to the version with all the pop music on it, go to mixcloud.com. If you'd like to see exclusive up-trouser shots of Ian Woosnam, go to sorrynotinservice.com

Gordano!